Isaiah 44: 21-23 ” Remember these things…I have made you, you are my servant, O Israel, I will not forget you. I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me for I have redeemed you.”

I have always had a certain sense of insecurity. You don’t see it from the outside. I run a business, guide trips in the US and overseas, speak at Women’s Retreats. I’m in charge, barking directions.

Still, it’s there.

I often wonder the reason. It could be that I’m thousands of miles from my family, way out west, no children, no family to fall on- at least not close by. I run a small business with my husband and although nothing is guaranteed in any job, less is guaranteed in private business. I’m flung out there.

I’m not ready to join the armed forces, but there is something I have always envied about military people especially when I travel. They belong to something which is responsible for them, for their safety, for knowledge of their whereabouts. Something or someone that would go after them if they get into trouble.

The word “redeemed” means to be bought with a price. I grew up in church so this isn’t new to me. Yet, as I’ve grown older and as the world around me has grown more uncertain, the knowledge of this is something I ponder on. I think of the prophets in the Bible whose whole purpose in life was to do what God told them. He told them to go this way and that. He fed them, clothed them, saw to them and was aware of them every moment of the day and night.

Isn’t it the same with me? Doesn’t the Word say that I belong?

We can be so trite about Christian things. We say “Oh yes,” in a general puffy sense,”I belong to God.” I say “puffy” when referring to something vague, religious, non-practical, non-tangible, taken somewhat for granted and often not truly believed. This is NOT what I have in mind when wanting to belong.

The Word says in Matthew that God knows the number of hairs on my head (all the grey ones). I like this verse. It’s exact, real-time. It says to me that God is always aware of me, always thinking of my welfare, always knowing and not just in theological ways. It says God counts.

I have not arrived in my dependency on God- far from it. But I’m headed in that direction.

I’ve had several disappointments in the last few months. They’ve thrown me for a loop. I’m a “do” person, but there are times that we have to trust God to “do.” If you think that’s easily accomplished you’re wrong.

Often we throw up these prayers, beg God to intervene, work ourselves into a religious frenzy then walk away and take matters into our own hands. Trusting God is hard work.

I Timothy 4:15 “Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do , you will save both yourself and your hearers.”